"We know from Scripture that we are ready to pursue reconciliation when we have thoroughly owned our sin. This means that there are no veiled attempts to spread out the blame.
"Certainly, other people can provoke us, but in the first step of reconciliation, the sins of the other person are not under discussion. They are not the issue at this stage. For now we examine only ourselves. Does this seem unfair? Remember that ultimately no one else can make us sin. Others certainly sin against us, and in so doing tempt us to a sinful response, but they do not have the power to force us to sin. At most, they can squeeze us to the point where our sin "pops out," but it still popped out of our hearts, not theirs. Therefore, never add a "but" or "because" to your confessions. No fishing for counter-apologies. Any riders immediately nullify the confession."
~ Edward T. Welch
(pages 256 & 257)